Im feeling really terrible. Im in great pain, okay not me, but my heart is and im feeling damn unfair, unjust, biased? Its not really describable but after reading some stuffs, i feel like screaming, shouting, crying.
No its not any relationship problem. Fame? Status? No, its more than that. Its my pride, my air. I dont feel good and i feel very very lousy. Come on Derek, you know its not just inferiority.
I dont know how im going to further describe this tension within me and im not going to make myself clear in this shit blog where everyone gets to view and comment and think whatever they wish to think about me, how i behave, how i look, how i dress and how i speak. Negative comments or not it doesnt really matter anymore and positive comments are merely lies i bet.
I dont understand why some people are included when they are not supposed to. Right, maybe its just me. My retarded look and low class behaviour, round size and stucked up character.
I cant help it but to rant on and on cos its not the first time i receive such shit and unfair treatments (although not in the same aspect) but its bringing my confidence level down and shit happens. You wont wanna know what will happen to me when its down to zero. I believe i will behave like a lunatic when i already need some counsellings and psychology help from experts.
To hell with the world and people living in it (and of cos this applies to me as well), i hate the way life is. I really really wanna stop breathing cos i cant take it. People say i often add unnecessary stress upon myself and when it accumulates and pile, one fine day i'll definately lose control and break down.
I believe im strong and i can handle it, i believe i can face it and i too believe that its all a facade. I AM NOT THAT STRONG, fuck it. IM NOT. THERE ARE TIMES WHEN IM WEAK AND I NEED TO BREAK DOWN AND CRY IT OUT, WHEN I NEED SOMEONE JUST THERE TO HEAR ME CRY. Im not as strong as you think i am, cos deep inside i know im just as vulnerable as any other females.
Fuck it. Life is unfair and i will never ever change my mindset for that. Never again.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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